Fatigue Friday
Dec. 2nd, 2022 07:32 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
yesmissjaneWell I've dragged myself through another week. Today was a big one: my eldest's last day of school for the year. Which means: I won't have the house to myself reliably again until February. Aaaaaargh.
I honestly think I'm becoming more introverted as I age. I find it very hard to properly relax when other people are in my house and awake. The awake part I only started noticing as the kids got older and started staying up later. I'm semi regularly begging them to go to bed now just so I can decompress for five minutes at the end of a long day. And they do (begrudgingly) and then get back up again for one last thing two minutes later. It's the same routine as with five year olds, it's just happening at 10pm when I am *all* out of spoons.
The older two also had their piano exams today, so I can be less of a nag for the next little while. Small mercies.
I started this week with the funeral of a friend of mine's mum. In my experience, funerals range on a spectrum from quietly exhausting to truly mindblowingly devastating. This one was far closer to the first than the last, but still not a fun time. I realised as I walked in to the service to see the slide of Pete's mum and her dates, that she was just a little younger than my own mum. So yeah. There was that.
Then after the service I hung around for half an hour of obligatory small talk with a bunch of people I was friendly with twenty five years ago. Even after the best part of a week I can't quite put into words what that did for me, but in short, it wasn't good. I was never good at smalltalk, even when I was younger and peppier, but now it's like pulling teeth, and I hate the picture I seem to present of myself in my answers to polite enquiries.
Anyhow, I got to see Pete and give him a hug, so I don't regret going. Another friend's mum died last year during the final run of lockdowns, and it was so sad not to be able to be with her. That particular friend's mum was a rooting tooting son of a gun and I have so many fun memories of her. Which I still have. But I really wish I could have been at her funeral, there would have been some awesome stories to tell, I'm sure.
I honestly think I'm becoming more introverted as I age. I find it very hard to properly relax when other people are in my house and awake. The awake part I only started noticing as the kids got older and started staying up later. I'm semi regularly begging them to go to bed now just so I can decompress for five minutes at the end of a long day. And they do (begrudgingly) and then get back up again for one last thing two minutes later. It's the same routine as with five year olds, it's just happening at 10pm when I am *all* out of spoons.
The older two also had their piano exams today, so I can be less of a nag for the next little while. Small mercies.
I started this week with the funeral of a friend of mine's mum. In my experience, funerals range on a spectrum from quietly exhausting to truly mindblowingly devastating. This one was far closer to the first than the last, but still not a fun time. I realised as I walked in to the service to see the slide of Pete's mum and her dates, that she was just a little younger than my own mum. So yeah. There was that.
Then after the service I hung around for half an hour of obligatory small talk with a bunch of people I was friendly with twenty five years ago. Even after the best part of a week I can't quite put into words what that did for me, but in short, it wasn't good. I was never good at smalltalk, even when I was younger and peppier, but now it's like pulling teeth, and I hate the picture I seem to present of myself in my answers to polite enquiries.
Anyhow, I got to see Pete and give him a hug, so I don't regret going. Another friend's mum died last year during the final run of lockdowns, and it was so sad not to be able to be with her. That particular friend's mum was a rooting tooting son of a gun and I have so many fun memories of her. Which I still have. But I really wish I could have been at her funeral, there would have been some awesome stories to tell, I'm sure.
